Part 5 – Ongoing Series by Carol (An EASE Meditation Listener)
At the time that things began to change and shift in my head, I felt some exhilaration but also some trepidation. What do you think about or even talk about when there is nothing to complain or feel miserable, about?
Sitting on the train I heard two guys behind me having a conversation which was basically a list of grievances, about work, friends, money etc. I started to think about how often my conversations were about negativity – How much time I spent railing against the government, billionaires, global warming, racism, misogyny – I realized that it was actually quite a lot!
I have a kind of a mantra that at first seemed awkward and forced but now plays in my head most of the time. It is ‘See the good’. I began doing it to stop myself from always identifying what was wrong with a situation, and instead, trying to see it from another perspective. Seeing the good as opposed to seeing the bad, uplifts you. When you consider how all humans are connected, and how we are all connected to this amazing planet you can see how the world could become an even better place.
When seeing the good at first begins to reshape your thoughts, there is a sort of void left where all the negativity lived. Now that the conversation has begun to change, you suddenly find that you have reserves of happiness you didn’t know you had. I experienced feeling joy over the simplest things again. Happiness was no longer some illusive wisp, happiness was always there, right in front of my eyes. Happiness is not something to chase after, it’s something to recognize.
Another mantra I have is ‘Be grateful’ – being mindful of all of the good things in my life, generates a feeling of well-being and openness. I feel more connected to the people in my life, than ever before. I was surprised how tenaciously I clung to my unhappiness, how hard it was to live without it. I was so used to always going to the worst place in my mind, it was difficult to break the habit. Mediation helped me to make the transition from being a victim to someone who felt in control of my life.
It helped me find an inner calm, a place where I feel safe because I feel as though I have the strength to deal with whatever may come. Change no longer seems as threatening.