By: Peter Chipkin – President of EASE Meditation
One of the skills that comes with some practice is that you can disconnect the experience of the emotion with its consequences. You get to choose what consequence you want. If you experience anger often, you will not believe how amazing it is to stop the inevitable spiral or sequence of events that unfolds with your own anger.
Let me give you an example:
My partner makes me angry when she says that something we are fighting about is “0% her fault”. I always feel that it takes two and when you say zero percent you are being extremely arrogant and in fact dishonest with yourself. That makes me mad. Then, I start a spiral of escalation about how impossible it is to be zero percent responsible. And then, well and then we can take it all the way. Once one of us is hurt, we need to hurt the other right back.
Wouldn’t it feel amazing to be able to stop this? Sure, my partner could be omni-aware and super sensitive and never say anything that angers me by being able to anticipate how I might feel about something she says. And she is like that. But not always and sometimes, not often. When she has her own shit going on, then not at all.
What would be even better, is that I could experience the anger and then think about how I want to respond to it if at all. I might choose to ignore it sometimes. Other times, I might save the issue for another day when we are in better moods. So we can talk about it calmly. Sometime I save the issue for the company of some close friends because I know we will be respectful to each others views in front of other people. There may even be a time when I might choose that I should express my anger then and there.
That’s what I mean by experience the emotion but choose the consequence. Try it!